Maybe The Mayans Are Right?

Could it be the Seventh Sign of the Apocalypse? Could the Mayans be right!? 
Today it all seems possible because… Jake actually listened to me!
Here was the scenario: It’s nap time. He’s crabbier than a inner-city street-hooker. I put him in the crib with a passy and walk out. I hear the passy hit the wall, and Jake starts whining. See, he’s used to “The Magic Booby” or me putting him in “The Sleeper Hold” for a few minutes before nap/bed time.  
Mama J and I are trying to break that habit (that we created…yes, we are our own worst enemy at times) and establish a routine, and hopefully some more independence for Jake. 
I swear he had socks and shoes on when we put him in that seat!
I let Jake whine for another 15 minutes or so, and then walked back in his room, as gently as a shit-house mouse. I stuck his passy back in his pie-hole, layed him down, and pulled his bwanky over him. I said “Jakey, it’s time to take a nap like a big boy. Love you. Peace out.”, and walked out of the room.
I heard some rustling around, a whimper, and then…silence! That was over an hour ago, and he’s still sawing logs! I don’t know about your kid’s sleep schedule, but Jake’s seems to change every other month or so. And, so does the way in which he falls asleep. Hopefully, the new trend is him just simply…lying down and drifting off to sleep. And maybe the Cubs will win the series this year, too!:)
 Raising a child is a true lesson in patience, compromise, and adaptation. Unless you’re rich enough to hire a team of nanny’s:)

Would You Just Sit Still For Two Seconds!?!?

Jake is becoming more elusive than the Sasquatch! Every time I try to catch him on tape, he’s sprinting, OK crawling, on to the next thing!
His comprehension levels in the last month alone have really to started to skyrocket. He’s mimicking almost everything we teach him. From shaking his shoulders when we say “dance, dance, dance”, repeating noises and sounds, and my new favorite…Touching his finger to his mouth like a little Dr. Evil in deep thought if he hears Mama or I say “HMMM???”
The only frustrating part is that by time I get the camera ready, he’s firing his lunch across the room or trying to pull his diaper off. Would you just sit still for two seconds and do something cute ya little monkey!?!?
I wonder if there’s an app to get annoying parents to stop taking my picture?


Pissed Off? Or Pissed ON?

That Poor Man…
Team 3 enjoyed a fun-filled afternoon of appliance shopping! What could be more exciting than deciding between a side-by-side, or french door type refrigerator?
Mama-San was taking care of asking all the important questions, while I was flying Jake around the store like a little Iron Man. Apparently, I zigged while I should have zagged, and Jake managed to flood his diaper with 3 parts hot piss, and one part nutty fudge! 
First, I noticed a slight odor. Then my worst fear was realized when looked down to see my jacket soaked! Thank God, I only got hit with the Number One!!! 
Luckily, we never travel without a spare get-up for the “Mad Pisser”. He was changed out and back in the store within minutes. Mama J and I are like a Nascar pit crew when
it comes to changing this little shit now. 
The salesman caught a laugh from the ordeal, and so did we. But from now on, I’m carrying a spare get-up with me too. My jacket still smells like piss!:)

Merry Christmas! (NO, I’m Not Drunk!:)

Little tech-junkies:)
Tonight, my Aunt hosted the annual (and obviously belated) GAG Gift Christmas exchange! What better chance to take light-hearted jabs at your own family members, or just be flat out gross!? 
I received a squeezable container of delicious Cuban Black Bean Bisque. Nothing funny or gross about that, right? Not until you’re instructed to squeeze it into a bowl as quickly as possible. The squishy, farting sounds made as you discharge what could easily be mistaken for dog crap just so happens to be both funny and gross at the same time! Mission accomplished. 
My wife, the giftee, received a note stating that the gifter had came upon an extra iPad through their business and decided to pay it forward. Little did she know, that “iPad” was actually a huge, moose-crotch sized maxi-pad with a big “I” drawn on it. Another great success!
Yes, sense of humor runs on both sides of our family. It’s no surprise that Jake’s latest habit is laughing until he actually turns red in the face. I’m not exactly sure what he’s laughing AT yet? But I love it!

Long Time, No See!!!

Wazzup!?!? It’s been over a week since my last futile attempt at a post. See, work has been crazy. (Remember, I work shit, I mean shift work:) I haven’t had many days off since Christmas. And since I haven’t been home to see Jake very much, I didn’t have many stories to tell. I assumed he’d be dating and have pubes by now, but I wasn’t sure. I also assumed that you were tired of hearing my little old stories about being a Dad. Yet, two people in the last week asked “Why haven’t you been writing?, and said “Just keep doing it!” So here I am…
I CAN NOT believe how much this little monkey has evolved in only 3 weeks!!! Spitting out syllables like a midget rapper! Chasing me around the room in his walker chair! Bopping his head to music! We played “catch” with his rubber ball! And for the first time, he took my big-boy drum sticks and did the “right-left-right-left” on his drum! 
This kid never ceases to amaze me. He’s always changing. Getting bigger, smarter, stronger, more animated…
OH! I forgot something to add to the “first” list! He somehow learned to wrap his arms around our necks and give us great big hugs. I love that little monkey:)

The Hard Part Begins…

There it is. ‘Jake 365’. 23 pages, single spaced, size 10 font. There are a LOT of words packed into those pages! It took a year to complete, and I feel like that was easy compared to the project ahead. 
I have so many ideas on how to lay it out. I think I’m going to use for the actual printing. The good news is, there is no deadline. I can tweak and revise until I’m blue in the sack. An even bigger relief is, I’ve already hired my Editor….